so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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