This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
