It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
