you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
