theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
