He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
