This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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