i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
