non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
