I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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