Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Rumble strips road head = magical
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
