is your mom at the bar?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
