dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
