people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
