btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
