i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Pants are for mortals
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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