MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
