Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
