I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
