Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
