Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
