Welp...herpes.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
