you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
