my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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