dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
