I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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