yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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