you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
This baby is an asshole
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
