Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
