i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize