Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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