My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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