I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
