i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I currently don't understand fingers.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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