Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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