did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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