i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
