You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
