can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
