My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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