Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
