It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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