dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize