White coat. Heels.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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