Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
