Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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