i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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