There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
