i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
