My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
