I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize