imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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