You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
