I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
