I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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