Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
someone get that fucking seahorse.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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