I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
