Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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