i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Drunk is a universal language darling
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
