oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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