I want to make a zoo with you.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
