I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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