Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize