He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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