Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I currently don't understand fingers.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
