i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
