You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
