You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
