i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
