non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
