The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I did not marry a roomba.
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