You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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