I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
