Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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