i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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