glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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