i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
