Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
