I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
