Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
we should paint friendship bongs
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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