I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize