You're a womanizer and a bitch.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
