We need to rekindle our bromance
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
