SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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