Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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