dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
