Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
