i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
