It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
