I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
