I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
