He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
