can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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