Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
