I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
