i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Can you bring me the toilet please
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
