Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
