how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
