help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
