on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize