Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
